Can you say bikini wax?
By Emily Rodgers
Preparing for a holiday is all part of the fun and excitement, and there are certain things we all do to ready ourselves before we take flight overseas. Some are inevitable and some are just downright necessary. Here are a few things us girls take very seriously in the pre-holiday prep ritual….
1. Panic about packing and then don’t pack
Before you can enjoy the sun, sand and too many cocktails, you must first pack up enough of your life to sustain your clothing and cosmetic needs for the duration of your hols. You mutter the words, ‘I need to pack’ a bajillion times the week prior to your vay-kay. You have hauled the designated holiday suitcase from its dusty crevice in the loft and it is now sat in the corner of your room waiting to be jam-packed full of summer attire. It’s not so much the actual folding and putting the pieces into the suitcase that’s the problem, that’s only half of it. The issue lies with the gruelling, agonizing decision-making involved in picking what to take with you. Planning outfits, making sure you’ve got enough knickers, making sure those knickers go with the outfits you’ve picked…it’s an all-round traumatic experience. Then, once all of this has been decided, you have to squeeze it all into your suitcase, which now seems to have shrunk by a third. All of this means you end up leaving this dreaded task till the last minute, and then you always end up forgetting something.
2. Achieve body baldness
You have let all of your usual ‘shaven haven’ areas grow out for the past fortnight, and now you resemble an honorary Amazonian woman. The time has come to shave, wax and bleach every visible hair from your body because heaven forbid you are seen in public with a morsel of tufty fluff around your belly button. Hours later, you emerge exhausted and sore but transformed into a shiny smooth hairless goddess.
3. Tan before tanning
All that hair removal has made you realise that you are much paler than you thought. There is no way you can creep around the swimming pool looking like a pasty mole who has an aversion to sunlight. You must make other holidaymakers think that you are well into your 4th day of tanning. You therefore lather your skin with summer glow self tan, giggling to yourself about how no one will know.
4. Pick and prod
This is the first time you have seen your body properly in a good few months. Now you’ve got rid of all that hair and paleness you’ve uncovered blemishes, blackheads and spots you didn’t even know existed. There’s only one thing for it: a picking sesh! You whack out the tweezers and cleanser and primp your skin to achieve ultimate smoothness.
5. Nail it
Another painstaking decision of what color to pick for your holiday nails. You’ve stuck to boring neutrals and dark shades throughout the wintry months but now’s the time to play around, go bright and let summer shine from the tips of your fingers, but which colour to choose?! Argh, the turmoil! You settle for a neon something-or-other, which will no doubt chip after the first day, resulting in several re-paints before you even leave the country.
6. Last minute exercise
You haven’t done so much as a stomach crunch all winter. You’ve eaten yourself into oblivion and your stomach now resembles a lump of out of date clotted cream. Your vows to bag that bikini body haven’t exactly gone according to the regime. With only a week until you jet off, you strain to do 20 sit ups because that will make the world of difference and give you an instant bikini bod, yeah right! But here’s to wishful thinking…
Because exercise alone won’t do the trick, you eat nothing but kale smoothies, grapes and green tea to help the process along. This will not only help you to slim down but also cleanse your body and justify hitting the hotel bar – hard. This diet is also binned as soon as you feast your eyes on the all inclusive buffet. You’ll end up spending the next two weeks knee deep in chips, burgers and pizza – but hey, you tried!
As much as we like to deny it, we all go through these stages before our holibobs. You ain’t fooling anyone with the line ‘oh, I just threw some stuff in a bag and left’. You have definitely done at least 3 of these things! But hey, who cares, you’re on holiday!