Sick of being friendzoned because you’re nice? Charlotte Maxwell elaborates on why some guys get stuck with the ‘nice guy’ tag, and explains how exactly they can go about shaking it off…
“You’re a really nice guy, but…”
This is a line that so many of us girls have used time and time again. But, do we ever stop to think whether our follow-up clauses are legit? And more than that, do all the ‘nice guys’ out there know how to escape the brush off?
Urban dictionary (the great book of ‘street’ terminology) went to the great effort of defining the phrase. It claims that it is followed by: “I’m not looking for anyone right now” (girl goes off and dates other guy within a split second). Whilst the former is often relatively true, the latter is most highly debatable.
So why exactly do we get the urge to make this speech?
1. For the most part, it’s a lack of mutual attraction. To use an old cliché, ‘there’s no smoke without fire’ – and in some situations you’ll be lucky if you can even find a match, lighter, or in dire situations, a blow torch.
2. Then of course, you have the situation where your distant friend/acquaintance decides to drop (what they believe to be) the inevitable bomb shell on you. When this happens confusion usually occurs and then – in what seems like a reflex – you regurgitate the line in question.
3. *Thought*: “but you’re my friend”… this one is usually the difficult one. It seems that our reflex line comes in handy, purely when we want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or rocking the boat any further.
Now all of these reasons have their legitimacies (to some degree), but it may well be about time that we left caution at home (along with our drunken dignity). Or maybe the way forward is to give guys some tips.
So boys, how can you avoid being tarred with the ‘nice guy’ brush?
1. Try not to be the standard people pleaser: whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying your best to accommodate those around you, there does come a point when you’ve bent over backwards so much that you’re practically doing yoga. A little bit of assertiveness goes a long way, and can easily help you sheer off that nice guy label.
2. Don’t bite of more than you can chew: taking on a million and one tasks will not make you any more charming or attractive. If anything, it will just make you look busy, stressed and unhappy. Proving that you can multi-task is not the way into someone’s heart and you shouldn’t need to take on so much to feel worthy of someone’s affection.
3. Remain…nice: yes, this one seems a little odd but part of your overall charm is the fact that you’re nice. If you lose any ‘doormat’ associations that are hanging over your head, there’s nothing to stop you from winning over the girls- without receiving any kind of brush off
So, hopefully they’ll be a little less of a cliché elephant in the room; i.e. no more ‘nice guy’ syndrome.